Sorry this is long, but I have quite a bit to say, so just bare with me. The ending won't disappoint.
Of bands that are currently recording and performing on the Rock scene, Evanescence has to be my favorite. Amy Lee has the pipes!
One of my favorite songs of theirs is Erase This. It talks about what damage not being truthful can cause in relationships. But the lyrics also go a little bit deeper than that too, especially with Dementia patients.
Here are the first lines of the song:
(copied from LyricFind)
It's too late to change your mind
Even though this fragile world
Is tearing apart at the seams
We can't wash these sins away
This sinking feeling everyday
I'm waking up in someone else's life
She's right, it is too late to change my mind of my own accord. My mind is slowly changing itself as I go along each day. Sure, I take Namenda and Aricept, well the generic versions as that is what the insurance will pay for. But these drugs don't cure anything. They only slow the progression in most patients, though some don't see any benefit from them although they are the top prescribed medicines for Dementia patients.
"We can't wash these sins away, This sinking feeling everyday, I'm waking up in someone else's life."
Funny how the things from long ago are haunting me now as my memory struggles to stay intact. Reaching for repressed feelings and events that go back decades, my mind feels as though I'm delving deeper into the disease. I really do want to wake up and find out it was a dream, that I'm not this new person who can't function like he used to. I really am not me anymore! Surely this is someone else's life after all!
Second Verse:
Not gonna let this day go by
I'm gonna save this wasted life
And nothing can stand in my way
Not enough to say goodbye
Burn it til there's nothing left
I'm drowning in the mess that I have made
I wonder if people question why I try to advocate so hard for people with dementia. Well, are you doing it for me? Chances are the answer is NO. You will read this blog, ponder it for under a minute and then go about your merry little do dee daa daa day, never giving thought anymore to the struggles that me, my wife and my family has to deal with. So there, I'm going to do it for you. And if you are advocating, THANK YOU!!!!!! Keep up the fight! I still want to be the first survivor!
So, yes, I'm not gonna let this day go by, and going to try and save what part of this life that I have left, not letting anyone bar the door or stand in my way. Sure, I could sit here in my home and just wait for the end. It's coming and most likely I may not have the full concept and understanding when it gets here. But until then I'm going to burn the candle at both ends doing what I can to deal with it and advocate to anyone who will listen, because I'M DROWNING here in all that swirls around me.
Erase This ... pain I feel inside ....
No, I'll leave it to torture you with .... OK, but I'm taking everything else in the end with it ...
Erase This ... memory that I have that makes my heart ache ....
No, You need the memories to keep you going. The good has to come with the bad ...
Erase This ... NO, WAIT ... NOT THAT .... I want to remember her name. She has taken such good care of me! She is my rock, my fortress. Even through all of the lumbar punctures, ER trips and now facing shunt surgery, she has remained by my side and lovingly cares for me to this day. Her name ..... her name, well, I am sure I know it .... Sheri, that's it. OK, got that back.
Erase This .... but I enjoyed working there. I do not want to lose the memories just yet. I still get to visit with them at lunch and I want to be able to recall who each person is. My job functions and responsibilities are someone else's now, so that has been taken away from me, never to be reclaimed.
Erase This ... Wait, What? Eras .......
If you would like to watch the video on youtube, click the link below:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9S_tii37uk
Please be sure to share this with your friends! And to the fullest extent possibly, please contribute all you can to end this mess they call Dementia!
Of bands that are currently recording and performing on the Rock scene, Evanescence has to be my favorite. Amy Lee has the pipes!
One of my favorite songs of theirs is Erase This. It talks about what damage not being truthful can cause in relationships. But the lyrics also go a little bit deeper than that too, especially with Dementia patients.
Here are the first lines of the song:
(copied from LyricFind)
It's too late to change your mind
Even though this fragile world
Is tearing apart at the seams
We can't wash these sins away
This sinking feeling everyday
I'm waking up in someone else's life
She's right, it is too late to change my mind of my own accord. My mind is slowly changing itself as I go along each day. Sure, I take Namenda and Aricept, well the generic versions as that is what the insurance will pay for. But these drugs don't cure anything. They only slow the progression in most patients, though some don't see any benefit from them although they are the top prescribed medicines for Dementia patients.
"We can't wash these sins away, This sinking feeling everyday, I'm waking up in someone else's life."
Funny how the things from long ago are haunting me now as my memory struggles to stay intact. Reaching for repressed feelings and events that go back decades, my mind feels as though I'm delving deeper into the disease. I really do want to wake up and find out it was a dream, that I'm not this new person who can't function like he used to. I really am not me anymore! Surely this is someone else's life after all!
Second Verse:
Not gonna let this day go by
I'm gonna save this wasted life
And nothing can stand in my way
Not enough to say goodbye
Burn it til there's nothing left
I'm drowning in the mess that I have made
I wonder if people question why I try to advocate so hard for people with dementia. Well, are you doing it for me? Chances are the answer is NO. You will read this blog, ponder it for under a minute and then go about your merry little do dee daa daa day, never giving thought anymore to the struggles that me, my wife and my family has to deal with. So there, I'm going to do it for you. And if you are advocating, THANK YOU!!!!!! Keep up the fight! I still want to be the first survivor!
So, yes, I'm not gonna let this day go by, and going to try and save what part of this life that I have left, not letting anyone bar the door or stand in my way. Sure, I could sit here in my home and just wait for the end. It's coming and most likely I may not have the full concept and understanding when it gets here. But until then I'm going to burn the candle at both ends doing what I can to deal with it and advocate to anyone who will listen, because I'M DROWNING here in all that swirls around me.
Erase This ... pain I feel inside ....
No, I'll leave it to torture you with .... OK, but I'm taking everything else in the end with it ...
Erase This ... memory that I have that makes my heart ache ....
No, You need the memories to keep you going. The good has to come with the bad ...
Erase This ... NO, WAIT ... NOT THAT .... I want to remember her name. She has taken such good care of me! She is my rock, my fortress. Even through all of the lumbar punctures, ER trips and now facing shunt surgery, she has remained by my side and lovingly cares for me to this day. Her name ..... her name, well, I am sure I know it .... Sheri, that's it. OK, got that back.
Erase This .... but I enjoyed working there. I do not want to lose the memories just yet. I still get to visit with them at lunch and I want to be able to recall who each person is. My job functions and responsibilities are someone else's now, so that has been taken away from me, never to be reclaimed.
Erase This ... Wait, What? Eras .......
If you would like to watch the video on youtube, click the link below:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9S_tii37uk
Please be sure to share this with your friends! And to the fullest extent possibly, please contribute all you can to end this mess they call Dementia!
Once again you have wonderfully shared what you are going through. I wish I knew how to respond with more than a thank you..... thank you for taking the time to add to your blog. 💕
ReplyDeleteJust help me spread the word. That will be thanks enough. Plus, your comment(s) are greatly appreciated!
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