An Open Letter to God and Santa

An Open Letter to Santa and God

Dear Gentlemen,

I know I am a bit old to be writing you, but this Christmas the urge to do so was so overwhelming I feel that I have no other choice.

My Christmas present request this year is going to seem a bit strange, and maybe a little strewn, but I want this Christmas to be the most special that I have ever had.

This year has been a tough year on my family. After only 2 ½ months after opening our new business, we found ourselves staring at the New Year. We were hopeful that this would be a new year filled with new promises that would grant us a new start in life. We had only bought a house the past summer, the shop a month later and with the Christmas season preparations at the shop, hectic does not properly describe what our life was like during the last few months of 2017.

The first quarter was slow and we were able to catch our breath, though it was tough on the business end. Then in April we were hit by a sledge hammer!

I’ll never forget that Sunday. I awoke to the oddest sensation. I felt disconnected and my body wouldn’t stop twitching. The only thing Sheri could do was lay there and hold me. Neither one of us understood what was going on. We had just celebrated our friendship with a really great family the previous evening. I had grilled burgers and hotdogs and we had made s’mores. Life seemed great. Now, I could only wonder if that was my last time to celebrate anything.

Luckily our friend is an RN at a Neurologist’s office and we were able to be seen on Monday. Tests were ordered, including an MRI and we awaited the results.

June 26, 2018

We went to the office to get the results of the tests. Needless to say, we weren’t prepared. Not just 1 incurable disease, but 2. Early Onset Dementia and Hydrocephalus. My son has Hydrocephalus from birth complications and my grandmother had dementia, so I’ve seen the results of both up close and personal.

Hey guys, my wife has had to endure a lot since we married 8 years ago. She had to endure 2 knee replacements (1 that had to be redone, so i guess it makes 3 in total), job loss, and a husband who has been up and down with his back injury, then a heart valve problem and now this.

It isn’t fair! I know, life isn’t fair, I get that! But dang, how much does she have to go through for it to be fair. We have always hoped to spend our retirement years in the mountains of either NC or TN. We even bought some land to build a house on. Now I don’t see that happening. The area is too remote for the medical care I will need as we go along through the years.

Now, getting down to the nitty gritty, or my Christmas wish.

My wife told me one of the trademarks to this disease is a loss of taste. We were sitting in an Italian restaurant the other Sunday when I remarked to her that nothing tasted right. Everything seemed to be bland. I make a killer Chicken Enchilada Soup that has a kick to it, but it is still really good. It tasted like the chicken walked through it when I fixed it recently. The Veal Parmesan that I always loved was tasteless as I sat there and ate. The only thing I enjoy eating any more is sweets, but even then I can only stand them in moderation because after a few bites the sweet part is overwhelming. 

I had really hoped that I would be on the slow end of this disease. Now I’m not so sure, and it scares me sorta. I’m not afraid to die. God, you know that part of it and I know you will welcome me home. Sometimes going home doesn’t sound like a bad idea either when I think of the burden I could become to my friends and family?

And that brings me to my wish this Christmas. This Christmas I want one to remember.

Santa,

I want snow deep enough to go out and make a snowman in. I want to get to ride and see the Christmas lights in all the towns, especially in a carriage along the way. You see, Sheri doesn’t drive at night anymore, and I can’t now either. I want my wife to get the 1 present she has always asked me for that I’ve never been able to deliver. Surely you remember that one, don’t you?

God,

I want you to look after Sheri, especially going forward. You see, she never flinched when we got the 2 diagnoses. As a matter of a fact she started researching and trying to find any way medically that we could make this better. Besides the Mountain Dew, Namenda and lumbar punctures, we haven’t really found anything else. That woman means the world to me and you know she loves You more than life itself. So whatever you choose to do, if you would make her life a bit easier going forward that would be my greatest present. The shop has become her pride and joy, so if you will guide her and make it successful so that she can continue to have a reason to move forward that would be great.

Lastly, maybe to both of you, if you would find it in your hearts to do so, show someone the cure for both of these diseases. There are a lot of brilliant docs out there and I’m sure somewhere a Godly one can be found who would handle your precious gift with love and care. I don’t want anyone else to have to deal with this. The frustrations and confusion continues to grow little by little. I’m glad I can still work for now as it helps to keep my mind distracted from what is ahead of me. If I could be blessed by the gift of healing that would be great, but if not, will you prevent someone else from having to go through either of these?

I know some people see one or both of you as fictional. Me, I don’t. Santa will always be in the hearts of good people, bringing hope for a brighter future and God, well, you’ve proven yourself over and over to me through the years, proving I can be loved even when I could never deserve it from anyone.

Thanks to both of you for all you’ve given me through the years, and hopefully, for many more years to come.

Sincerely,

Keith Moreland

Quiet, I said!

Why Are Alz/Dementia Patients So Quiet?

People who have dealt with someone who has either Alzheimer’s or Dementia find one of the most frustrating aspects when dealing with them is the “silent” times. I think most often people believe that person is lost in their own world, not capable of responding in a coherent manner at the time with the other person talking to them. I will admit with my grandmother that is how I looked at her when these moments happened. I didn’t know what to say or do, so I just remained quiet too. Now that I am dealing with this disease, I do not know if that was the correct response or not.

My wife says I can talk to a brick wall and enjoy the banter back and forth. (Think on that one for a minute.) One thing that I always believed that was special in our relationship was the fact that we talked a lot about our lives and things going on. I would always make comments about things on the TV or reflect on something that had just taken place in our household.

Now I find myself just sitting there, watching the TV. Sheri used to kid me … “quit analyzing that, you’re not supposed to do that with that show/commercial.” Now I rarely make a comment when watching a show. Frankly, I don’t even enjoy watching most of them anymore. It’s just a distraction for the moment. I find myself spending more of my time thinking about what is happening, what I can do and what the possibilities are for the future when I am quiet. I cannot say for your friend/family member that they are doing the same, but I suspect so. I believe most people are aware of what is happening to them, except maybe in the very end stages, but even then I wonder.

It isn’t the fact that I can’t carry on a conversation anymore. I still have plenty of them in my head. But when I try to talk about things, I tend to use the wrong words and then I find myself getting frustrated when I can’t finish communicating the rest of my story with Sheri. Bless her heart, she on the other hand has to play Pictionary, Charade’s and god know what else just to figure out what I’m trying to tell her. Sometimes it provides a pretty good laugh, other times, I just give up. And when the Hydrocephalus kicks in and I lose the ability to talk, then life really gets interesting. Thank goodness for text messaging. It allowed me to be able to talk with her easier than drawings or sign language (as in fingers, hand motions and other mickey mouse’s to get my point across.)

The best thing I can think of is to turn the TV off. Engage them in memories, because those are what we hold dear. Let them talk about what they enjoyed or why it excited them. Go touch them. Hold their hand. Sit down beside them. Personal contact can cause people to want to communicate, and that may be something that will start the conversation up. I know when my wife holds my hand or comes to sit by me it makes me feel better. The depression lifts and I feel much better. I believe other people can benefit likewise also.

So, until the next time we meet, Remember … #EndAlz #AlzSux #HydroWarrior4Ever